Early on in the recovery process, we generally understand that we need to work on ourselves: our behaviors, thoughts, health, etc. As we become grounded & more self-aware, it can be shocking to realize how much damage addiction has caused in our relationships. Addiction almost always means lying: denying, obscuring, and evading. It is inherently selfish. It detracts from our ability to give time, energy, and thoughtfulness to those around us. Don’t get me wrong: otherwise, addiction’s great! Oh, except for all the other shit it fucks up. But I digress.
Rebuilding trust must begin with self-reflection and honesty.
Steps to consider:
1. Apologize. Be sincere, be specific. Maybe apologize a second time
2. Commit to honesty and communication. Be trustworthy. Be transparent. Always.
3. Understand it will take time to be forgiven and to earn trust back.
4. Make your partner’s priorities and needs your first concern. Give them attention, time and energy.
5. Make this a time for resilience: learn and grow. Forgive yourself. Be the person you want to be.
Amber Hollingsworth is an outstanding addiction counselor who focuses a lot of her YouTube videos on the needs of family and friends who have been affected by someone struggling with addiction. Here are a few of videos: